TaaaDaaaaaa!!!

I enjoy my schedule and my parents are good at bending to that request/demand - especially Dad.
Every evening we have the same ritual, at 5:40 Dad heads into the kitchen and decides what he is going to whip up for my gourmet dinner. A few minutes later I follow behind him and he gives me a mini frozen pancake to hold me over until the meal is prepared. I then look in all the drawers in the kitchen trying to find something to keep me occupied while I gnaw. Everyone is happy!!
Tonight, mom waddled in and threw a wrench in the system by trying to play with me while I waited for dinner. On most nights i would have ignored her but this time I decided to show off my skills - again - with my new magic trick. Its quite simple but Mom seems to love it, so I do it over and over again!

Mom Says: "Where has Mallory gone???!!"

Mallory says: "Taaddaaaaaa!!!"

I make pretty music....you don't

So, today dad and I had our second music class. We started with a bit of a refresher. Watch in amazement as I bang on my newest drum with my maraca...I'm a one woman band!

Maraca solo!!! Yea!

Ok dad....let's start slow.....here's what we're going to do, I'm going to hold the drum for you as you use my maraca and you are going to play....try not to embarrass me.

Um....well, at least you really seem to be enjoying yourself.....are you going to get better soon?

Ok, let's see if we can try something easier....I'm going to show you how to drum (again) and then you are going to use the sock monkey's hands to drum, because I'm tired of listening to you bang so loud....especially when your skills have.....failed to thrive. Ok...watch me.

Good, good...much better...and much quieter.

Dear god this teaching thing is rough....I need a drink.

Music Class

Yesterday we had music class....not for me, but for dad. You see, this man has no rhythm at all, none. So, today I said enough is enough, I have to help this poor creature! So, we started off slow with a triangle. You see, dad had been trying to play the triangle while at the same time gripping the metal with his grubby paws....he just didn't seem to understand that he can't hold the metal!

So, I took the triangle away from him and showed him how you have to hold the handle while you bang it....you can see from his expression that dad was just blown away by my musical skills.

Next we moved on to the maraca, seems pretty simple right? Not so much for dad. So, we started off slowly with just the simple stuff: hold and shake.

After we got past the "hold and shake" we moved on to the shake it while you shake it and flap your legs. This is a move requiring advanced skill. I was not encouraging dad to try this move, I was just showing him what he might some day be able to do, if he sticks with our lessons.

Finally, we moved onto the maraca and drumming....can you feel the rhythm? I think dad was overwhelmed a bit, as you can tell from his expression, so I tried to come up with something that would make him feel more involved and less overwhelmed by my skill level.

So, I appointed dad my official drum stand, and as I played my maraca drums, dad did his part, and I rocked the room! Move music later.

A Play in 2 Acts.....

Good evening, and welcome to the Mallory Shower Theatre....today we will be putting on for you a play I like to call "Old Dog." It's a tragedy, but I've been working on it for months now and I think that you'll really enjoy it....mostly because I'm an awesome actress. Let's begin:

Our play starts off with our hero - Fido - running around, barking, and splashing in his bath as a young pup. As the years pass, Fido grows more tired and plays less and less, and then, he starts to pee all over in his bath because...well...because he feels like it and he's old, so no one really bothers him about it.

Then, eventually, the inevitable happens when Fido goes down for the long, long, never ending sleep....The End. HA! You like it? It's awesome, no?

Thank you. Thank you. What do you mean not appropriate and not funny? Come on! No one asked for your opinion anyway, I regret nothing! I've never made a mistake! Get out of my bathroom!

NO! I WANT! I WANT!

So, we started off today by heading off to the playground. While we were there, I waddled over to the marry-go-round and started to push it...kind of. You see, I didn't really want to push it, I wanted to stand in once place and let the bar slip through my hand....oh yea, and this might make it a little hard for the kids who are pushing it around to get past me...but who cares? Apparently dad does...

So, when dad picked me up and told me that i had to either get in or push it around in a circle, I objected. In fact, just to show him who's boss, I threw myself down in the sand and had a mini-fit...not only did I have a little fit, but just to really prove I'm the boss, I filled my mouth with sand! HA!

A little later in the day, as I was enjoying spinning around and around in circles and the feeling of sand crunching in my mouth, I congratulated myself on a fit well thrown. Now no one will ever doubt that I'm the boss!

Hookie!

The other day mom had a meeting that she had to rush off to, so dad and I had a chance to spend a morning together, it was a rare occasion of AM fun with poppi! So, the first thing we did was fill my basket with stuffed animals, fun fun fun!


Next, after the animals had been arranged and then rearranged, we discussed which shoes would go best with my outfit. Shockingly, dad was of virtually no help!

After a final shoe selection was made, we played a bit with my dolls, dad really seemed to enjoy having an excuse to play with dolls, because he was totally into it.

After we had exhausted the dolls, we decided to sit down and do some reading. While mom is very controlling about how I alter the books, dad seemed okay with me adding and removing things from pages. As you can see, I already have an elephant nose in my right hand and I'm looking to barrow this one from this book so that I can two-fist elephant noses!

Now that I have a trunk in both hands, I think its time to redistribute the wealth of noses...do you think the frogs want a nose? So do I! Let's put this nose right here! Mom will be so proud when she gets home! You want to tell her or should I?

Building out my Kitchen

So for Christmas my Aunt Martha got me a kitchen, and it finally arrived! So, dad and I got to work putting this thing together....lots of pieces....good thing dad has me to help him!

Ok, I've got the counter top....where am I supposed to put this? HEY! This is heavy, where do you want it?!

Damn! I'm feeling a bit peaked! I need to take a break and have myself a plastic hamburger that came with my kitchen.

Okay, back to work, still got my counter top here dad....where do I put it?

We finally got my piece installed and I put dad to work with the screwdriver, and with any luck he'll be done before his next coffee break....man, this guy spends more time resting than working!

Wrong, wrong, WRONG! That has to go here! UG! Can I fire him, or is he union?

DONE! Finally! And its awesome! It has a phone, pots, pans, utensils, and the burner makes sizzling sounds when I put pots on it! My favorite thing? I love putting all my pots and pans in the microwave and the fridge! Then I scream like a banshee when they don't fit, or worse yet, when they don't come out! Thanks Auntie!

Being a Mentor is tough work!

I bet you didnt you that I am a mentor did you?
Well I try not to boast about philanthropy but I also couldn't go on not giving the little "needy" peeps in my life some recognition.

Meet Maddie! Maddie is my "little sister". I try to show her the ropes during the week when I am off adventures with Annie. I know that Maddie looks like she might be about my age, given that she weighs pretty much the same as me and is like a couple inches shorter than me, but that is because she aspires to be just like me!



I teach her all kinds of things, right now we are currently working on standing and visualizing the walking process. Its not the quickest process but I know she will catch on soon!


The most important skill I have been teaching her is how NOT to become a dog toy. As you can see, her doggie - the freaky, long haired, albino version of Moose- thinks Maddie smells quite tastey! Run Maddie Run!!... errrr, Crawl Maddie Crawl!!!!

Weee!!! Okay, I'm done....hello?

So me and my homey Kate were both at the Rec. Center today and we decided to go for a group swing, and it was awesome! We went back...and forth....and back....and forth....and back...and forth....

But, after about 15 minutes of swinging with Kate, we both started to get a little sick and we decided that we were done...like now....down, down, down!

Hello? Mom? Kate's mom? Hello? DONE!

What the hell? That's it, I'm out of here.

Oh no you didn't!

It's Thursday, and you know what that means don't you?  It's time to...DANCE!!!  Aw, yea.  That's right, that's how Mallory gets down, you know it people.  Why might you ask do I get down so well?  Because I have like crazy mad skills, you ain't never seen anyone dance like this...sit back and take notes!

What. Did. You. Just. Say. To. Me?!  Oh hell no.  Oh no you didn't!  You had better stop laughing at me right now!  So help me God, if you don't I will rain down pain on your sorry rear!  You've got 5 seconds...5.....4....3.....2......1......that's it, you were warned, now get ready to be my bitch!

From a hard day to a good book....

Ahhhhh, another hard day of dolphin riding.  Sure, its hard work to sitting here and looking pretty so that people notice me when I scream, but as much as I like it, eventually I do get tired.

Sure...it might sound easy, but people, this is stressful!  Yes, I know I make it look easy, but that's because I'm a pro!  But, as I said, it does tire me out.

So, what do I do when the day ends?  Well, I like to go home and grab myself my big sheepy and grab myself a good book and lay down for a relaxing read.

What do I like to read when I'm laying on my sheepy?  Well, I like to hunker down with a good Spanish to English dictionary....ah...me gusta mucho!

HUGE Day People!

Well, as you hopefully know by this point, today is a very very very very big day in our history. You see, today we get a new President....of whom I am a big supporter! In fact, mom and dad tell me that my college fund is back at zero due to my support of Mr. President Obama....I guess you do what you have to do.

Anyway, what you might not know is that I've been working on my own speech for the big event, and I hope to submit it to the President so that he can get some good ideas of what matters to the toddler demographic.

So, enough with the chit chat, I've got work to do, let's focus on the task at hand.

Dear Mr. President: More pretzels, more Pirate's Booty, more potato chips, more cookies, more Elmo, more ice cream, longer bath time, more playing in the dog's water bowl, less "time-outs"....Regards, Mallory