A round of applause

For the last ten months or so (and from what I am told ... quite a few few months prior) my family and parents have done their best to keep me well fed, happy and healthy. Sure, I let them have it on occasion to keep them on their toes but I have to say that our trip to Hawaii was way better than I expected - I was ready to wake up at all hours and scream all day but in the end I loved the breeze through my hairs, the yummy fruit, the nice people and especially the pool!!

So, to show my appreciation I will now perform my latest talent ... clapping!! (imagine a thunderous round of applause)

Salt Water Pool?!

Ahhhhhhh.....Water up my nose!!!!!!! WATER UP MY NOSE!!!!!

The Attack!

I told dad the other day that I was tired of mom's attitude and that I didn't want to be told when to eat or sleep or anything any more, I'm my own person and I refused to be told how to live, dammit I'm 10 months old!! So, after my rousing speech about personal freedoms and civil liberties, I think dad was on board with my suggestion that we needed to take action to overthrow this tyrant!
So, after we were all chilling in the pool for a while, I saw that mom was getting out of the pool, and we put our attack plan into action!

First dad and I schemed in the pool and planned our next move.

Once we had our attacked plan worked out, dad put me in charge of making sure that the coast was clear, so I stuck my head out and peered around looking for our victim.

Once we made sure that the coast was clear, we moved to part "B" of our plans to overthrown the tyrant: the beach assault!

As we slowly crept up the beachfront, we saw mom coming and I tried to make a hasty retreat back into the water, but my "co-conspirator", my brother in arms, my dad, held me down and turned me over to mom! That treasonous Benedict Arnold! Sure, I'm so exhausted I'm on the verge of a breakdown, but its up to me decide when I'm tired and ready for a nap, and I didn't say I was ready! I demand to be given some say in the decisions that effect my life!
Mmmm....Okay, all that being said, I'm ready for my nap now, mother, take me to my closet.

Dinner with the parents...

I have to tell you, I don't remember the last time that we all went out to dinner together....actually I do remember... I was 4 weeks old. So, as you can tell, its been a while! But, last night we all went down for a little Italian food and they had a hula dancer performing!
Dinner was smashing....I fed the birds, and then when we finished, we just hung out and watch the entertainment. What you'll see below is me sitting cross-legged in dad's lap - looking rather dignified if I don't say so myself - and enjoying the scene.

Yea! Clap, clap clap....I've learned to clap in the last week or so and do enjoying a good rousing clap. The only problem with my clap is that I don't really seem to do it when you would think that it would be appropriate, I just kind of burst out clapping when the spirit moves me.

Lastly, Pops and I watching the sunset. It was very pretty....however we still have yet to see the elusive "Green Flash." Frankly, we don't believe it exists and we think Mom takes drugs, otherwise she never would have seen this so called flash.
Anyway, once the sun was down, it was time for bed, so off we went back to our room for a nice long sleep, glorious.

So much to look at!!

Having a very nice time, but its a bit overwhelming! There is so much to do and look at! We went for a walk today and saw a bunch of mini-dogs wearing helmets...well, they also had really long necks, but they must have been dogs because they were lounging in the sun just like the Max and Moose do. Anyway, here's a picture that mom took of the dogs in armour.



I love the walks, the view is great, the wind blowing though my hairs, and although its hot, the wind keeps the temperature down so that I don't break out in a heat rash....which I've been known to do on occasion.



OH, and the BIRDS! They are everywhere! At breakfast, they swoop in and grab the food I throw on the ground, and chirp and scream, and they come so close to me, they are awesome! But, the picture below does not really have anything to do with birds, its just me showing you my bicep, behold the muscle peeps, I'm huge!




I have to say, although I had a great time here thus far, its has not been all great. You see, although we've traveled thousands of miles on two planes over lots of water, I don't seem to have been able to ditch the damn magic hats! In fact, there are even more of them here! Every time I leave the room another hat jumps on me and refuses to let loose! I'll continue to fight the good fight, but I don't think I'm making much progress.

Rollin' in my 5.0!

Move, get out the way, get out the way! People, have I told you how much I'm loving my vacation? It's been a rough 10 months and now I'm finally recuperating! So, this morning when I got up from my nap, we headed down to the pool and went for a drive, awesome! I let mom and dad take turns pushing me around the pool, they seemed to enjoy it, and being the giver I am, I let them push their little hearts out.

After a little time in the car, we disembarked and just went for a little swim, then we rested on the pool's wall. Needless to say, it was a grand morning and I'm very much looking forward to my next nap...but only after a big lunch! Dad's teaching me how to play "fetch"! He throws a piece of food on the floor at one end of the room and makes me go get it...sounds fun doesn't it.

We're Here!

We finally arrived...apparently we are on an island...well, a group of islands. We landed on one island and then we had to get back on a plane and go to another island...errrr. Anyway, we are finally here and its grand! The hotel was nice enough to welcome me with my name in bath sponges, awesome! They love me, they really do! Or...perhaps they cater to parents with kids? No, it must be all about me.
Anyway, let me tell you a little bit about what traveling with Mallory means. Simply stated, its not easy...we have to bring a lot of stuff with us. Well, actually, it usually involves sending a box of stuff before we even leave, just so all the goods are there. What goods you might ask? Well, there are a lot...and we're not evening talking about the food.
First off, we have to have to baby monitor. This way, when I'm locked in the closet in my baby-cage and let out wail, mom and not-the-mama will be sure to hear me.

Next, we have to bring my special blankets and toys.

We have to bring the books mom read me before we head off for a nap or bed time...and of course also sleepy-sheepy (that's what I'm hugging) and my Binky!

"Luckily" the hotel usually is able to provide a baby-cage, but mom brings my own bumper so that I have familiar smells...well, so things smell like me anyway, I am a big fan of me!

It's, admittedly, a large pain in the pooper, but when Mallory is well rested and happy, everyone is well rested and happy.

Up, up and away!

So, here we are again, on a plane....drat. I have no idea where we are going, nor why they insist on getting me up at the crack of dawn and forcing me to sit on this thing for hours. But this time, it was worse! We got off the first plane and they made me get on another! Oh, the humanity! The worst of it all was that when we finally arrived, we seem to have flown quicker than our luggage because it wasn't there!
Anyway, back to the first plane ride. As you can see below, dad and I were tired and cranky and not at all happy to be on this plane, so finally after we settled in and had a bite to eat, the put on "27 Dresses" and dad and I looked at each other and decided that it was either time to take a nap, or try to open the plane's door because that movie is horrid! So, nap we did.

Pay Attention to ME!!!!!

I have no idea why on God's green earth mom will not give me 100% of her attention 100% of the time...I mean hello?! If you didn't want me, I wouldn't be here! That being said, earlier today mom had the audacity to put me down on the floor so she could attend to something else....how dare she!
Needless to say, I gave her a stern taking to! After a few minutes of expressing my displeasure, she came over and handed me a little piece of cold metal with string on it called a "bell". This bell had apparently been some kind of a wedding hand-out at a wedding that dad ditched mom and went to soon after I was born. Anyway, she hands me this thing and tells me to "play" with it...play it how? Does it sing? Does it dance? How does on turn it on?

Am I supposed to eat it? I can't chew it. Is it supposed to taste good? If it is, mine is totally broken because it tastes like crap! What do you want me to do with this thing woman?!

Ohhhh....I get it! This is awesome! Dance for me little bell! Sing me your song! HA!

Hey mom...what do you mean when you say "that was the biggest mistake of the day"?

Hey, can you hear this? Mom!

I'm totally awesome at this! Can you hear it? MOM!

Listen! MOM! Can you hear it? MOM! Want me to play it more?

I can do it louder. MOM! Want to hear it? Wait, I'll do it louder...can you hear it? MOM!

I'm awesome at belling!

Gone Fishing

Mom plopped me down on the floor and introduced me to a singing fish...really, it was a bit strange. Apparently, a couple years ago, my grandfather gave it to my dad because they both thought it was funny as hell. Mom, however, is not such a fan. Nevertheless, she managed to get past that fact and let me play with, sing with, and make out with the singing fish....it was special.

Soon after seeing me hanging with the trout, dad came in and asked me if I wanted to play the "Fish Game." I had no idea what that meant, but I thought that if it had anything to do with a singing trout, I was in! Needless to say, and as you can see, dad grabbed me by my feet and held me upside down and told mom all about how big the fish he caught was, but how she should have seen the one that got away....honestly, I really don't understand either one of them. Dorks. Now, put me down please.

So damn close!

All my friends can do it. Hell, Tyler (aka T-Bone) is even taking a few steps before he crashes down on his pooper. Drayson is cruising around the house like he owns it...terrorizing his dog in the process, but still doing quite well! Yet, here I stand...er...more to the point, sit, working slowing on a movement abilities, which are lacking at present.

Sure, I can sit, can role, I can flop with the best of them...but I can't seem to get this whole crawling thing down! As you can see in my video, I'm making progress, but just not quiet figuring it out. As I get going, I keep getting the urge to just say, F-it! I'll stand up and walk! However, that doesn't really seem like much of an option at this point either.

Oh well, I'll keep at it and let you know how things turn out. Oh yea, and in case you are wondering about my play outfit...well, its hard for me to get traction on the carpet with pants and socks on, so I tend to strip down when its time to get to work.

Mallory Ford Coppola

Behold, my first work on film. It is my interpretation and vision of light and dark...death and rebirth...with lots of heavy breathing....prepare to be wowed.

Mmmmm, forbidden doughnut!

Mom and dad finally unpacked the last of the boxes from our most recent move, and in those boxes it was revealed that dad has a freakish amount of Simpsons toys, or as he will tell you, "collector's items." Sure they are, delusional nerd.
Anyway, I got my hands on a nice soft spongy Homer Simpsons toy...it was so much fun to chew on! Knowing how much I enjoyed it, mom allowed Homer Chew-toy to travels with us. So, earlier today we were out on a drive, mom was blabbering on about something and I was in the back working on Homer. Finally, after much chewing, I managed to chew off Homer's doughnut, awesome!
Once I had the doughnut off, I placed Homer on the ground and quietly went to work enjoying my doughnut. Sadly, mom noticed that I was silent; then mom quickly noticed that Homer was missing a doughnut; and tragically she very quickly pulled over, jumped in the back seat, and dug the chunk of doughnut out of my mouth...jerk. Anyway, what you see below is the evidence that she saved, I guess to taunt and shame me.

A Day with Mom.

Sometimes I worry about mom. Spending all day with me might not be great for her psyche or mental stability. In fact, I think that she's getting....well....slower by the day. Any educated person who sings along with Raffi both in the house and in the car, sings along with Elmo and Cookie Monster, and hums along with all my musical toys, might need a bit of a baby break. Honestly though, she has even gotten to the point where I find her blabbering a bit tiresome and beneath me. On occasion I am a bit rude and yawn, but I try to keep it together just because she seems so interested in what she talking about.

However, all that being said, there is a point I reach where mom finally just pushes past my ability to be nice...or tolerant. I think that a lot of this might stem from the fact that somewhere mom heard that to help your child's language development, you should talk 30,000 words to them a day...trust me, as impossible as that might sound, I think she talks 30,000 and sings another 15-20,000. I mean come on, what have I done to deserve this?!

I'm melting!

Holy Crap is it hot! That's it, I've had enough, its 97 degrees in my room - literally! We spent a good part of the morning just laying on the basement floor with the dogs trying not to die. I've had enough, I need to cool down dammit! Tell dad to get his ass out of his air conditioned office and come home and appease me! Take me to water, pronto!



Ahhhh.....so much happier!

"It's so damn hot... milk was a bad choice"

So, the temperature here in San Francisco has been uncharacteristically hot....well, for San Francisco anyway. Being that no one has air conditioning, when the temperature gets above 80, its unbearable and for some reason, the wind stops and the temperature does not drop at night....needless to say, I enjoyed “sleeping” in a bedroom of 75 degrees all night.
Anyway, because the weather was so nice, as soon as dad got home from work, we all jumped in the car and headed off to meet my ex-Drayson and his mom at the playground. What you see pictured above is dad, Drayson, and myself all enjoying a little spin on the marry-go-round. When we got to the park, Drayson got on all fours and scampered over and got on board, I'm not really up to the crawling thing yet, so mom put me in dad's lap for our little spin. Actually, because of dad's fat pooper, the center of gravity was way off, so we kind of ground and screeched around in a circle, but that's okay, it’s the thought that counts I guess.

Meet Tony Blair!!

Let me introduce you to my good friend, Tony Blair: Statesman, Former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Leader of the Labour Party, Middle East envoy for the United Nations, European Union, United States and Russia, and most recently, chew-toy!

I have no idea why, but for some reason Tony's popularity is a bit stunted in his homeland of Great Britain, but let me assure you, I love me some Tony Blair!

While I love how patient Tony is with me and the way he lets me bash, chew, gnaw, slam, choke, etc., etc., etc., there are moments when Tony has this look on his face like a terrified person on their first stay in jail...oh well, time to share Tony with the dogs!