I like to chew....

I like to chew. I like to chew on clothing, my hands, your hands, toys, walls, rugs, cribs, dogs (when the hold still), and most recently, cell phones. In fact, I've become so fond of mom's Blackberry that I actually managed to so saturate the speaker with slobber that the speaker no longer works! Woo-hoo, go Mallory! So, when mom saw today that I had managed to fish her Blackberry out of her bag and was gnawing on it again, and so we wrestled over it and I managed to peel off the protective cover, but she got the actual phone...not to worry though, I'm currently working on chewing the hell out of it and trying my best to ingest some plastic!

We can sleep when we want to, we can leave your friends behind...

So, after we got back from our long trip, I was soooo tired, that I passed out before we even got to baggage claim. As you can see in my photos, I was out cold and the curtain was down. The only way that one can know that its me, is my sweet kicks; yes, I love my Nike Shox, so helpful on those long runs.

Anyway, so having made up for all my lost sleep, last night I decided that 3:30 AM was as good a time as any to get up. So I got up, screamed for someone to come join me, sat up on my haunches (I'll post some video of that sweet maneuver at some point) and when no none wanted to come play, worked myself into a crying frenzy that lasted for over an hour.

Eventually, I was so tried all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. However, at night, in a seated position, I couldn't remember how to put move myself from sitting to laying flat in bed again, which just pissed me off more! So, because I'm flexible, I just flopped forward on top of my out-stretched legs and passed out - you try that some time, see how it feels. Because mom and dad watch me at night on some kind of camera (creepy) they made sure I was asleep then mom came in and knocked me over on my side so that I could sleep like a normal person.

Big Girls Do Fly...

Well, we are back home again, finally....we took a short trip to Chicago and the adjustment was not so easy, although I did enjoy the flying bit. When we were in Chicago, I pretty much refused to eat when I was hungry, didn't sleep through the night, woke up screaming every couple hours, and pretty much stopped pooping....honestly I don't know how I survived! As you can tell from these pictures, I very much enjoyed my seat, and looking out the window, and napping....looking out the widow, and sitting board off my pooper because 4 hours is just too much for me to sit still! But, everyone was very nice to me.....the guy who sat behind us even had a really big dog, awesome! Not looking forward to my next big trip, but then again, no one asked me if I wanted to go on this one.

An Agreement

So, dad has this thing about "his" TV remote control...he's not so much into the whole sharing thing. A problem exists because I find every remote, no matter the TV, the most exciting thing to ever exist and try desperately to grab, chew, gnaw, and slobber on everyone I can get my sticky little paws on. So, to solve this bit of a conundrum, dad and I were able to come to a mutually beneficial agreement: I agree not to try to take dad's remote, chew on it if i get it, or scream at him if he takes it away, and he agrees to let me slowly ruin his cell phone chew by chew by chew. Don't tell dad, but I'm actually trying to figure out how to snap off the part of the phone that flips up. Awesome!

Drop down and give me 10!

I have no idea what mom is talking about: downward dog? What the douce?! Does this look like something a dog would do? Even if they were depressed? Dear woman, this is a push-up! I'll getting bigger, and stronger, and drinking my milk! Let me assure you, one day I'm going to bust out of my sleeping cage and you'll find me in your closet trying on your shoes! Rue the day, its getting closer!

Elmo wants to be a chicken, Elmo wants to be a duck?

So, now that Max has approved of my "newest" toys, here is our newest video creation! While Elmo appears to be all about having me dance with him, when I grab on to him for a little slam dancing, his gears grind like mom in a stick-shift car....not pretty. All I can say is that luckily, both Elmo and I recovered from the shocking grinding sound. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit my first thought when I heard that sound was: "I didn't do it." That was quickly followed by "Where is the Brown dog and how can I blame this on him?" Anyhoo, enjoy watching my entry for Dancing with the Stars!

Everybody was Chicken Dancing!!

Mom got me a "new" toy today! Now when I say "new" what I mean is that my eBay obsessed mother went online and found me an Elmo in a chicken suit that had been....lovingly used by a previous child....or three. Anyway, so she got the Elmo and presented him to me, but before I'm allowed to dance with the Elmo, my good friend and protector - Max - has to sign off on all my new toys. So, what you see here is me meeting Elmo and Max giving him the once over to make sure that he smells like a good Elmo in a chicken suit...as opposed to all the strung-out alcoholic Elmos who wear chicken suits. Right now we are just waiting for Max to sign off, then we'll get this party started!



LATE UPDATE - Max has signed off!! Prepare for some video tomorrow!!

I don't care how cold it is!

Listen mom and dad, and I'll try to make this as clear as I can, I realize you get confused: Don't touch my head! I know that you think that it's cold and that I'm "going to catch my death", but after I take off a hat and throw it on the ground 3 times in 5 minutes, one would think you'd get the idea....I DON'T LIKE THINGS ON MY HEAD! So, you think you are smart and rather than putting something on my head I can just pull off and toss, you'd put some kind of "smart-hat" on me that seems to have a grip on my head....rest assured, I might not have figured out your magic yet, but I will!

Gentle Giant

It's hard for a 17 pound girl to tell you about how great my big friend Max is and how gentle he is even though he weighs around 100 pounds. So, we took some pictures of Max at his best.
Max knows how much I love his squeaky toys. Not really sure if I love them because he loves them, or if I just love the noise they make or their texture...regardless, Max knows I'm a fan. I love Road Kill Rat (aka Flat Rat), Spiky Ice Cream Cone, and Big Mouth Trout - they are all great.
So, what you see below is me first chewing on Road Kill Rat but getting a little bored with it, and then my best buddy Max comes up behind me with Big Mouth Trout and gently places it in front of me, he even places it close enough so that I can easily reach it. Once he's sure that I'm in good shape and happy with my new toy, he just lays down and chills next to me. Best! Dog! Ever!

(Also, please note the Brown Dog pouting behind us.)

I'm HUGE!

Way back in the day, I was but a wee tot. Now that I'm all grown up, I look back on my younger days with fondness, and laugh at how small I was during my younger immature years. Now that I'm all grown up, mom and I go to music class and swim class, and I help dad feed the dogs in the morning, quite frankly, I'm not sure what they would do without me!

Back that pooper up!

Howdy! Well, I can't crawl...yet. That being said, I've found a way to move around, the only problem with my chosen method of movement, is that I can't really see where I'm going. Of course, I've also mastered movement by flopping from front to back to front to back over and over again rolling across the floor...only problem is that it makes me a little bit queasy and things get in my way. So, as you can see in this video, I'm very good and going after a goal, getting near it, turning towards, it and getting close. The only problem is that this "car" only goes in reverse, so dad had to give me a little help getting to the dog toy (road-kill rat) I sooooo desired, but Mission Accomplished!

An apple a day doesn't do crap!

So, mom once told me that an apple a day will keep the doctor away. Being how much I HATE being stabbed with a needle multiple times in a row, I was totally on board with the apple thing. However, all the lies became clear yesterday morning. As I was chilling with dad, gnawing on my apple and scraping a little off with my duo of teeth and thoroughly enjoying it (and using dad's sweater as a napkin), without warning mom came in and scooped me up, apple and all, and before I knew it we were in the car on the way to the doctor for more shots! Liars! All of you! Next time you try to give me an apple, I'll show you where you can stick it! Luckily, there was only one shot and Annie was there to hold mom's hand so she didn't cry too much. Wimp.

Too many Cheerios?!

So, the love affairs has ended, but not by my choice. I still love the cardboard like taste of a Cheerio, but over the last few days it would appear that I might have had a few too many. You see, when I eat my Cheerios, they seem to draw all the moisture out of my system like a sponge, the result seems to be....well, constipation. You wouldn't know it from these pictures, but - as dad puts it - I'm "crapping dust." What my oh-so-eloquent father is trying to convey is that I'm a bit low on the moisture levels and I'm not at all happy about that fact. My mos recent days have been filled with lots of red-face induced pushing for very little reward.

What the hell are you laughing at?

They think this is funny. HA, HA! Let's pull Mallory's pants up to her ears and laugh at her...and take pictures...ha, ha, ha. Does this constitute child abuse? Kind of a situation where the wounds aren't visible but never really heal? Just you wait until I write my tell-all book, then we'll see who laughing. Jerks.

What a day!

So today was what you call, a once a year day. It was awesome! 75 degrees, sunny, no wind…unreal. So, dad, mom and I all packed up and headed down to the green by the beach for a little Mallory Picnic! That basically means I was the only one who had food or water to drink, so they got to watch…actually dad stole my Cheerios, like usual. So, we hung out for a while, I had some creamed fruit, a little water, and then my 50 SPF sun block started to show that it was no match for my pasty skin and the awesome power of the sun….so I started to scream and we walked home….needless to say, I’m a bit pink, but the day was WELL worth it!!

Stand up, Fall down, Laugh, Laugh, Laugh

So, mom informed me the other day, that if I'm ever going to get myself walking - or for that matter crawling - I need to get to work on my leg strength. So, after a little consultation with dad, I started to work on a hard-core squat routine. No major developments yet, but I'm working hard and drinking raw eggs - saw it in Rocky - and I'm sure in no time, I'll be moving like a champ.

Torch!

So, yesterday we got a little surprise down near the house. You see, the Olympic Torch was in town and was supposed to go for a little 6 mile trip down by where dad works. However, due to the arrival of 10,000+ fans/protesters/etc. the city panicked and rerouted the Torch's path right by the house! So, mom strapped me on and off we headed to see if we could get a look through the 18 layers of cops and see the ancient symbol of the Olympic games...and we did! But man, there were a lot of cops! I wonder if the city now regrets having lobbied the USOC so hard to get the Torch's only US stop moved from Seattle to San Francisco?

HA HA HA!

I tell the best jokes, really do! I'm freaking hilarious! I kill me! Apparently, dad doesn't think I'm as funny as I know I am. This pretty much tells you all you need to know about dad: no sense of humor at all! Loser. Also, if you notice a white spot on my face in one of my photos, its a bit of drool that seems to have reflected back the flash, no skin conditions yet.....well, aside from a minor diaper rash from time to time.

Open letter to the dogs....

Dear Dogs,

Back the hell up! Look, I know that from time to time I toss a Cheerio or two in your direction, but that does not mean that everything I have on my tray or in my mouth is "ours". This fruit roll-up, which I am thoroughly enjoying, is MINE! Don't think just because you are circling my chair like sharks means I'm going to let you have any. I've got my good eye on you, I'm watching you, so don't try nothin'. Besides, rubber ducky on patrol as well. Don't mess with RD, he'll kick your ass.

Things I've leaned from Papi

Over the last several months, I've had the pleasure of learning many important lesson from my dear father. For example, I've learned how to stick my tongue out of my mouth and with great force, spray all those near me - animals included - with as much spit as I can muster...its even better when I have a mouth full of food!
Another more recent lesson was the extreme high value of caffeine! Its like nectar from the Gods. Taste great, makes you shake, and in many instances, it can be found in a low sugar variety. My new favorite caffeine delivery vehicle: Red Bull! Woooo! Now someone teach me how to pop this top, dammit.

Little Swinger

Today when we went for a nice long walk because it was such a great day. While we were out walking, we stop by the local playground to see what play equipment might be size appropriate for a tyke of my size. First we tried the sand pit...I wanted to really sample it, but mom and dad said I should really not be trying to shove copious amounts of sand into my mouth, so we moved on to the swings.
First I got to swing on my own. That was fun! However, due to my lack of girth and lack of a general understanding of what the hell I was doing, I flopped back and forth within the chair/seat. After a bit, mom and dad decided that perhaps I needed a little help with the swing thing. As you can no doubt see, dad and I worked it out and it was a blast! We even got to play a game called: Who's going to vomit first?! I'm not really sure that anyone was ever declared the winner because dad quit playing when he started to get queasy....chicken.

Springtime = WATERMELON!!!

People, listen to me now, here me later, but remember what I'm saying: watermelon rules! Until last night's dinner, I had never been allowed to partake in such delights, but yesterday the stars much have been aligned or some other crazy madness, because the green-shelled delight was presented to me in its full glory...and sweet mother of God, it was delightful! MMMMMmmmmmm! Heavenly!

Easter! (delayed)

Due to some very unfortunate events, I missed an opportunity to show you the Easter outfits that mom made me wear. I'm not really sure whether I like them, or if I really hated them...all I know for sure is that I LOVED the attention! Max was in there helping out, mom and dad were working the camera, and Moose...well, Moose usually does his best to get away from me. Well, that's not entirely true, he'll come over and give my head a lick, and then once I start trying to chat him up, he slowly turns and slinks from the room...not so sure he likes the nature of my aggressive talking....or maybe the high-pitched screeching hurts his ears? Either way, check my ears!

So VERY tired....

So, we're finally home...thankfully. Still a lot of work to be done down in Greensboro, but we'll have to make another trip to take care of that. Regardless, the last week just wore my little pooper out! Between the time difference, the new surrounds, all the new people, a hacking cough, the strange hours we kept, the trip to the shoe, and mom and dad being stressed...all i can say is that I loved my 13 hours of sleep last night.

Overall its been a very tiring week. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it, but I was so warn out the other night, when mom was washing me in the tub, I peed on her - which is pretty much status quo - but then after that, I got so wrapped up in the moment, I pooped on mom as well...sorry about that, but can you really blame a girl? Mom screamed at dad to help, but he was laughing so hard, he was pretty much useless for about 10 minutes.